This is a blog called magical moments. This is a blog that lets me share, vent and generally blab about whatever that means to me, to whoever will listen. I started that process in mid 2018 and have gone in waves ever since. Thanks for coming along for the ride.
As you’ll already know, these waves have taken the shape of my mental health journey. That is, they look like my understanding of, and relationship with, magical moments at that time. For context, here is a lil timeline:
- June 2018. A magical moment was strictly Disney inspired. I was the Disney girl, after all. I spent two years wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt each Monday. Each ‘Mickey Mouse Monday’ ha. After my bipolar diagnosis, I used the blog as a way to reflect on mental health and how I was managing mine. Disney provided a nice lens. Walt and the world he created was and always be my greatest source of guidance. The thing with guidance though is that should be taken, shifted or refreshed, as needed. That, I have done.
- Feb 2019. My feelings about magical moments evolved overnight. This was a time of metamorphosis. I was excited by travel and my year abroad. New experiences, new cultures and a very clear goodbye to my “toxic” sydney life. With the world now at my feet, my feelings about magical moments became less about Disney and mental health, and more about evaluating my travel in the big wide world. I was learning about life and opportunities at a faster pace than ever. Inspiration was everywhere. Magical moments were, too.
- June 2019. My world had expanded, I fell in love unexpectedly and because I wasn’t quite ready, I felt lost. My external world had sped to the next level and my internal world hadn’t caught up. This threw me off and made me nervous. I had reached a point where I had to refine my relationship with magical moments again. This time, I was afraid of losing touch. Who the fuck was I if I wasn’t the Disney girl? The problem became clear; I had pigeonholed magical moments into a static concept. I had pigeonholed myself. That didn’t make sense anymore. Thank goodness a wise friend reminded me that I was allowed to be more than one thing and a magical moment was too. This wise friend knows who she is and she knows that I am forever grateful. Her words lead me to bring in all of the things that are important to me. It was a magical moments renaissance. It was a time of exploration, satisfaction and self respect. Magical moments were daily and life had never been better. I started to write about food, mental health and Disney, all together. Opening myself up to the free and inspired me meant more than I could ever write. It meant that I was too busy living.
- Jan 2020. New year, new look blog. My life was freakin unbelievable. I had friends, love, travel, inspiration and beauty everywhere I looked. Ah, Paris. I was inspired as hell and keen to take on the new year. It was to be one of magical moments. My love for wine had even made its way into the mix. I was excited and energised by the interaction between my magical moments and wine. My old and new passions aligned naturally. Everything felt right. Everything felt at ease. I was heading in the direction of optimism, opportunity and to be blunt, a fuck tone of magical moments.
Where does that leave me now?
Bare with me, this is all quite fresh. At this stage, all I know is that I’m in two minds.
The first is one of anxiety and disappointment. I know that 7 billion other people have this one too. I had my new career in the wine industry set up, I was back in Australia and keen to catch up with pals. Everything had been perfectly planned for success. Heck, I was even looking forward to moving to Europe again in a few months. All of my boxes were ticked. Having these plans paused indefinitely is nothing short of devastating. Things have never been worse. My bipolar has responded naturally and I have swung back into a pretty deep low. I understand that this is normal and I am ok with it. Have I given in to it? Some days, yes. Most days, no. I have worked too damn hard to give the current climate that power. All I can do now is change myself. This is a challenge like no other.
Don’t ask me what that looks like. Stuffed if I know! I can just promise that I will take each day one day at a time. I will be ok with bad days and really enjoy the good ones. I won’t be hard on myself for eating too much, or for not answering every message right away. I will sleep each night knowing that the day was what it was and tomorrow is a new one. That’s all I can do for now. That will have to be enough.
On the brighter side, my second mind is growing stronger each day. This is the one that sings with grace. I, and we, have to remind ourselves that this is a time for gratitude. It has never been more vital. There is no question, every little moment is a gift. I won’t go as far as saying that every moment has something magical to it, but… it kinda does. It’s only when our daily accessibility to the things that we have taken for granted is forcibly removed, that we can appreciate that magic. Sounds corny, I know. It is as though we are living in that old saying: “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone”. Seriously. Remember the time when we could hug each other, or give a kiss on the cheek? That was a magical moment.
Magical moments will survive COVID-19. They will perhaps even come out the other side filled with more sparkle than before. How do I know? It’s simple. Magical moments are moments of gratitude. I have never been more grateful in my life.
Appreciate what you have. Fuck the rest. Look for magical moments where you were not looking before. You’ll find some. Promise.